Lesson Number One: Learning the Difference of Living and Surviving

Thanksgiving was today.  I was sort of dreading it sort of excited because it meant getting to see my family, seeing my boys excited and seeing my baby girl have her first turkey day.  But there was that usual pit in my stomach that is there when there is a holiday and he's not here.  If I could teach a class for military family members or spouses one of the first lessons that would have to be learned is the hard lesson of knowing the difference of living and surviving. 

Living is what I do better when he is here.  I feel the moment, I enjoy it for the most part and I'm a better person.  Then there is that other person.  The one who just survives.  She gets up in the morning. She drinks her coffee. She takes care of her kids.  She breathes in. She breathes out.  She survives.  She does not LIVE.  I swore to myself before he deployed again I would LIVE this time.  I would do things. I would go places. I would experience life and even have some fun.  And yet.  I find myself slipping into the same bad patterns.  Just surviving. 

Lately I see more and more people just doing this.  Life is hard lately.  People age, get sick, move away.  People lose loved ones and in turn lose themselves and their faith.  They just survive. It's like we are all a part of some sad club.  But I want out. 

So I tried today. I baked. I smiled real smiles and I even enjoyed myself.  Because I promised him.  And I saw four little boys and a baby girl looking at me, in their own way begging me to live with them.  I cannot be perfect.  But I also cannot just hide in the corner and go over and over what all seems wrong lately. 

With that, today I can say I'm simply just thankful for living.